We have recently welcomed our second grandchild. First by our daughter, and this one by our son. It is amazing to me that there is so much information to be gained via the internet and books about your pregnancy and your baby's growth during pregnancy, yet not much information is provided on "real life" after baby arrives. (I suspect this is because there would be considerably fewer babies if this information were provided first!)
It is truly an awe-inspiring miracle that a precious baby can be made by two people. It is God's plan to create a human being from a single fertilized cell. And the changes a baby makes in-utero are astounding. And no matter what you read and study, nothing, NOTHING, prepares you for what labor feels like. It is truly the most excruciating pain you will ever experience and the only consolation is knowing it can't last forever and will be over soon. With each contraction, you think the pain can't get any worse - and it does, again and again. I know now days everyone's up for the epidural, but I had two babies without anything, so I got to experience the whole wonderful thing, totally aware. And once that sweet baby is here, you realize all that pain and suffering was totally worth it. THIS is what you made! This is the person you wondered about for 9 months and finally, they are here! And the euphoria comes. Knowing that you "own" this little person. A person who will love you "just because" you are their mom. A person who will depend on you for their every need and want. There truly is no greater joy.
But there are a few hiccups in those first few weeks after the baby is here. Baby books say you may experience bouts of different emotions. That is an understatement, to say the least. They don't tell you that exhaustion will plague you until you think you can't do it anymore. If you could just sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. If you were well-rested, the crying and pooping would be easier to deal with. They don't tell you that every time you are so tired you couldn't be any MORE tired, you get more tired. And they don't tell you about the days you spend crying because you realize how inadequately equipped you are to deal with and be responsible for another's life. And the books tell you just how to establish a routine for feeding and sleeping, not understanding that as a mother, you can't bear to see this little baby cry and not know why and that you can't bear to make them wait to eat when you know they are hungry.
And they don't tell you about the panicked worries- what if they stop breathing? What if their head falls off? What if I trip and fall and smash the baby and kill it? What if I go to sleep for 10 minutes, and that's the 10 minutes they pick to roll off something? A million questions, a million doubts.
I watched my daughter do all the right things throughout her pregnancy, have a very tumultuous pregnancy, and her baby came 8 weeks early, with no explanation of what caused it. The baby spent a month in the NICU, which is also a journey no baby books tell you about. We learned terms we never wanted to know - apnea, stridor, reflux, surfactant. And I had no answers for her as to why 15 year-old party girls who don't even take care of themselves have perfectly healthy babies and she had a preemie. I could offer no comfort as she had to leave the hospital without her baby, sobbing. Each day as we walked to the NICU to visit our tube-entwined baby, we passed young silly girls leaving the hospital with their healthy babies - something that was not fair, but happened anyway.
And you basically lose your identity. All the fuss people made about you being pregnant is gone. Now, they could care less if you are there - they just want to know where the baby is. And just try to find time to shower and fix your hair. I remember thinking I would never be able to leave the house again! And when we finally did go somewhere, we might as well have rented a U-haul for all the stuff we took with us! The dads feel it too. Sleepless nights followed by days trying to stay awake at work. And their wife, who previously loved them, now hardly has time for anything except, "Can you get me a diaper?" They are now last on the list of priorities. Arguments and resentment ensue and only time will ease the tension.
There are so many things that only experience can teach you, although it might have been helpful if there were more "after" books and information available!
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