Thursday, March 30, 2017

Family Law Not So Good for Families


     Family Law. Sounds pretty compassionate, doesn't it?  Externally, it would seem so.  But until you have endured this system, you have no idea. 
     The courts have managed to take something personal and natural, like a father's love for his child, and twist it and turn it until it is barely recognizable, and resembles money more than it resembles love.
     I am not a lawyer, and I did not go to college for 8 years.  But I am not stupid, either.  Don't patronize me and my family and treat us like we are incapable of making a sound decision. 
     As many of you know, my son recently went through a divorce.  It was not nice in any way, shape or form.  Included in that divorce was custody determination.  Some people may be aware that there is legislation in place now, and more coming down the road that is actually in favor of fathers' rights.  Laws that allow the father to be an active, continual presence in their children's lives.  Laws that are trying to make things more equal between fathers and mothers.  Laws that make it illegal to automatically assume it's best for the children to be with their mother, just because she is a female. Laws that aren't endorsed by many judges yet. 
     HB1550Here is summation of HB1550 is one such law.  It basically is the "foot in the door" for more legislation to come.  It sets parameters for judges on ruling about custody.  This bill encourages judges to begin at 50/50 custody and 50/50 possession of the children and work backwards based on evidence.  Is the father a drug addict?  Then maybe he doesn't get 50/50.  Is the  mother an alcoholic?  Maybe she doesn't get primary custody.  It assumes that two fit parents both deserve equal time with the children.  It assumes that each and every child, regardless of why their parents divorced, deserves to be loved and be able to love each parent equally.  Unless there are reasons that would cause harm to the child while in the care of one parent, it should be equal.  Period.
     A benchmark appeal over this new law is Morgan v. Morgan, in the Eastern District Court of Appeals.  This is the most notable case where a judge applied and enforced this legislation.  Mother had primary custody, with father only getting every other weekend visits, even though father wanted and was fit to have more time with the child. Father had to pay child support. Mother continually broke the communication lines - didn't answer texts and calls from father, didn't inform father when child was ill, or would need to miss school or had doctor appointments.  Mother moved often, sometimes without telling father.  The judge in this case ended up reversing the situation, citing it was in the best interest of the child.  Father got primary custody, and mother had to pay child support, with only every other weekend visits.  Father was, in fact, more stable than mother. 
     This is not to say that there aren't deadbeat dads who never see the kids and don't pay their child support.  Those fathers need to take responsibility for their children.  But there are mothers who are just as irresponsible as those deadbeat dads, yet they have custody of the kids.  There are mothers who are using the kids as weapons and bargaining tools and doing irreparable damage to the children.   There are mothers who aren't drug addicts, and aren't burning the kids with cigarettes, but are simply indifferent with their children, leaving the child to wonder why Mommy doesn't care enough to ask about their day or give them a hug once in a while.  All these things taking place while an able and fit father would give all he had to hug his child each night before bed, or pick them up from school and ask how their day was.  But because she is female and he is male, she wins.  She gets the big prize.  She gets the kids, and she gets money.  Money that most times is not spent on the kids, but on her.  Too bad for father.  he must work and live in squalor to support himself and pay child support.  Mother doesn't even have to work if she doesn't want to - the child support form itself makes concessions if mama doesn't want to do anything but sit on her butt.  She gets the kids and gets rewarded for doing nothing.  And she can qualify for government assistance, too!
     Who cares?  I care!  I care and my son cares!  I can't tell you how awful it feels to sit in a courtroom for hours, while lawyers and judges whisper about who knows what, all the while charging you out the wazoo for 15 minutes of paperwork.  I guess we have watched too many television shows where you hire a lawyer and they rant and rave in the courtroom, fighting for their client.  Not in family court.  In family court, father's attorney files a paper, and then mother's attorney files a paper.  Then you wait a few weeks and file some more papers.  A few weeks, more papers.  More money and more papers.  All of which have no meaning for anyone, especially not the children.  After all the turmoil our entire family has been through, and thousands of dollars spent, my son ended up with every other weekend.  Bam!  If the attorney would have just said, "You're probably going to end up with every other weekend, no matter what you do." We would have maybe done something different, I don't know.  But we invested all this time and money thinking we would have a different outcome.  We kept track of every last thing, good or bad that happened during the divorce and custody issues.  We made notes and saved receipts and lots of other stuff, mostly for nothing.  Nothing mattered.  Neglect by mother didn't matter.  Love by father didn't matter.  Money didn't matter.  What was best for the child didn't matter.  HB1550 didn't matter.  Nothing, just nothing mattered.
     Family court is a joke.  Family court is not at all interested in what is best for the child, otherwise, they would examine each case and make some kind of determination individually.  Right now, they wait patiently while attorneys file this paper and that paper, and wait it out until everyone's made enough money, and then they let the lawyers make some dumb recommendation, which is that Mother has custody and Father gets to visit every other weekend.  There comes a time when there is just no more money.  No more money left to spend on an unfair fight.  Another $20,000 wouldn't have produced a different outcome. 
     As my son sat there after conceding to the standard "every-other-weekend" visitation, I watched with anger at the system, and hurt for my son, while the judge asked if he believed this agreement was in the best interest of the child.  What a stupid question.  Of course it wasn't in the best interest of the child.  But saying "No" would mean thousands more dollars spent, and no different outcome.  He had to say "Yes."  There was no other choice. 
     He did nothing wrong.  All he wanted was to see his child and spend time with his child.  He is not a drug addict.  He is not an alcoholic.  He is not abusive.  He is a good person and a good father.  He is honest, dependable and hard-working.  He loves his child.  But family court says all that doesn't matter.  Just because he is a male, he is the biggest loser here.  Too bad, because though he suffers for this decision, the child will suffer more.  The child will wonder why things were arranged this way. So much for family life...

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Just Like, and Type "Amen"









Oh, how I hate seeing these dumb memes come down Facebook.  "Just like and type 'Amen' and you will receive a large sum of money in three days".  Or, how about "Like and share if you love Jesus"?  These just really get my goat!
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to get a large sum of money, and I do love Jesus, but I am pretty sure my Facebook activity doesn't have much to do with either one.
First of all, do you personally know someone who got that large sum of money in three days?  Me neither.  And have you ever heard of anyone being struck dead because they loved Jesus, but didn't like and share a post?  Me neither.
You know, somehow our society has managed to come to the opinion that if we do "X" and "Y", God will send us "Z".  Where, exactly, does God promise to bargain with us?  No where that I can find.  I hear Joel Osteen preaching that if we do what we are supposed to do, we will be rich.  He doesn't say it in so many words, but that is the implication.  We are humanly trying to put a value on a blessing from God.  A dollar value.
Our "riches" and blessings have value, but certainly God doesn't need money to make them worthy.  We are using our finite minds to figure up something that came from an infinite God.  Think about Job.  He was a very righteous man, and had found favor with God.  He was doing it right.  He was obeying God and living where God wanted him.  And yet God allowed satan to take away all that Job thought was valuable, further proving that Job was a righteous man.  God wasn't punishing Job.  He simply allowed it.  He knew that whatever we endure on this earth, good or bad, can't compare with our eternal rewards.
While we may suffer and endure tragedy on earth, we can still have hope and know that our reward in Heaven (if we are born-again Christians) will be so much greater than anything here.  The richest man on earth will have no meaning in eternity.
This is why sometimes, even when we are right where God wants us to be, terrible things (as defined by our human, finite minds) can happen.  And by the same token, great things (also as defined by our human, finite minds) can happen to the worst of people.  People who we feel don't deserve this or that seem to have wealth and success.
I just hate that the majority of society, and some Christians, seem to think if they do this or that, in this way or that way, God will zap them some cash.  It just doesn't work that way.  We are to do right in the sight of God because it's right in the sight of God.  Our rewards will come in Heaven.  This is not to say that God doesn't bless Christians with money, either.  Just that the money, success, failure, tragedy, whatever is all temporary and will pass away.  We are much better off to concern ourselves with our eternal rewards instead.
So, don't be offended if I don't type "Amen" on your post.  And know that I do, in fact, love Jesus, though I may not like and share your post.
See you on the other side!