Black Friday Adventures

Well, Thanksgiving Day is tomorrow! Which can only mean one thing....BLACK FRIDAY!!! I know there are varying opinions of Black Friday, but if you have never gone, you should one time in your life, just to watch all those crazy people!!  Actually, it should be called "Get one item at a great price and stand in line for 3 hours to check out" Day.
This is a time when people who have just spent the day giving thanks for all the many blessings they have don their cold-weather gear and prepare to stand in the cold for the mere opportunity to act like a herd of stampeding cattle.  Wal-mart is the best!  You get to stand inside, smashed together with people you don't know, anxiously awaiting the bell to sound, to begin the stampede. If I had the means to climb a tall ladder and video tape, I would.  For it is a sight to behold.
Here is how it goes, everytime I have gone to Wal-mart: You have to get there at least an hour prior to sale time.  This allows you to scope out the store and pick your most strategic spot to wait.  So, you find that one thing you can't live without.  Of course, 100 other people can't live without it, either.  It is wrapped in clear shrink-wrap.  You can see it, just can't have it yet.  The rule is, when the bell sounds, the employees unwrap or cut the wrap and then you can grab your item.  However, that is not usually how it goes.  There are always 2 people (always women) who try the sneaky-peeky.  They stand abnormally close to the shrink-wrapped pallet and casually, non-chalantly, begin messing with the shrink wrap with their fingers, as their eyes look elsewhere, on the lookout for any employee who might stop them.  Gradually, they find an opening in the wrap and begin making the hole bigger and bigger, until it is finally big enough for the item to come out.  Now, they don't actually take it out yet - that would be obvious.  But as time draws closer, they start to plan a strategy of which hand to use to retrieve it the fastest.  And how they can get multiple items and throw (yes, throw) to their friend with the cart several feet away.  Then other people begin to notice.  So they start proposing trades:  "I'll pull a blue one from my side and throw to you, and you pull two red ones from your side and throw to me".  Finally, everyone has a plan.  Now, this is roughly about 15-20 minutes until bell time.  When it gets down to 5 minutes, the crowd begins to close in.  Last year, during this time, I was in the middle - I was smashed against people in front of me, people behind me were touching me, as well as people on both sides.  Someone, no way to tell who, had GAS.  Now I'm faced with 2 options - move and give up my long-awaited place in the pile of bodies, or just stand there like an idiot and endure the odor.  Let's just say, I ended up with my item.  Once the bell sounds the employees are nearly trampled as the mosh pit moves even closer.  And items - even big heavy items - begin being lofted into the air, some aimed, and some just randomly thrown.  Yelling begins - partly to direct throwers to their friends in outlying areas, and partly between angry patrons when someone's hand reaches in from below to grab the item they were going to get.  Remember, this is all just hours after we thanked God for all that we have.
Now, here's the best part!  You finally get your treasure, in your hands, and turn and........NOTHING!!! People are packed so tight, you can't move.  Once you break free from the mob you were in, every aisle is blocked with another mob.  So you are pretty much limited to one thing due to traffic obstructions. Then, after all that, you get to stand in the check out line for an eternity just to leave the store! 
I think I will let others have Black Friday this year.  I will sleep in, enjoy my day off and watch Facebook for the pictures I know will be coming!
Happy Thanksgiving!!

Lost Socks Searching for Sole Mates

I just love the feel of new socks.  Weird, I know.  But there's something about brand new socks - so soft & cushy.  But when I wear socks, they have to be just right.  The seam can't actually be touching any of my toes or it will rub when I put my shoe on. And the heel has to be positioned so when I put my shoes on it doesn't rise up out of my shoes.  That's just a little background.
I sat down on the couch last night and glanced over at my husband's feet. I am sure I have some form of OCD, but only about weird things. He has on two DIFFERENT socks!  One of them are MINE and the other it his, but it's on wrong-side out and twisted.  I can barely stand to sit there just knowing the state his feet are in!  Seams running wrong directions, all over his toes.  So I say, "Do you know you have on two different socks, and one of them is mine, and the other is wrong-side out?"  The reply - "Ya, I couldn't find two alike to I just grabbed a couple." 
I suppose somewhere between my weird OCD and his total lack of requirements for anything we must balance each other out!

Where Can I Buy Some Liquid Cork?

Well, there they are.  The culprits of my morning surprises!  Nearly every morning, I get up and stumble into the living room and there it is.  Poop.  I know it's going to be there, but I have this small shred of hope it won't.  Why, why do I torture myself with the thought that I can just wander through the living room without watching the floor?  Some mornings, I just can't bring myself to clean it at 5:00 a.m., so I just wander right back out, pretending it's not there, but knowing I'll be back after I've had a cup of coffee to wake me up. 
Yesterday, I was at the end of my rope.  We have two dogs, and neither one will ever confess, so I just yell at them both.  But yesterday, I finally got my proof.  It is both of them.  TWO separate piles, I knew it!  They are both conspiring against me!  But the bonus came, when on further inspection, I discovered TWO puddles of pee!  Both of them on CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!  So I carefully removed the wet, dripping wrapping paper to see if it had soaked through to the gifts.  Fortunately, it had not.  More yelling.  They always look sorry, but behind that is the anticipation of waiting for the next time they can leave a calling card. 
My message to these two:  If you think you are getting a Christmas present this year, you are sadly mistaken.  And I know you are used to sleeping in the warmth of a bed at night, but you are about to discover the cold garage floor! I am sick of smelling this and seeing this day after day. So this is your last warning.  And you should know that I have posted a "Free Dog" ad on facebook.  So far, haven't had any takers, but first one I get wins the prize!