Clean-up on Aisle Seven!!

So, I am pretty sure if I ever have "road rage" it will be not on the road, but at Wal-mart!  I swear, I think someone radio's ahead and tells people to stop and visit in front of every last thing I am going for!  I too have stopped to chat with someone along the aisle, but I try to be conscious of people coming up behind me and move out of the way if it appears they want something I am standing in front of.  I have tried standing there staring at the people, saying, "Excuse Me" and a host of other things to get people to move.  The best are the label-readers.  They park their cart on one side of the aisle and then go and stand on the other side to read the label of whatever they are buying.  Just get it, for Pete's sake!  I have to admit, when I go there, I am usually on a dead run because I have such little time to grocery shop, but even when I stop to browse a section, I am only in that spot for maybe 30-45 seconds.  These people have stood there for 5 minutes!  And what's with the motorized wheel chair carts?  Those people stop diagonally in the middle of the aisle, so you can't go on either side of them! And I don't know about other areas, but at our Wal-Mart the people using the store's wheel chairs don't exactly look handicapped.  Since I have reached "middle age", I don't sleep well, and I have found the best time to go is about 6:30 in the morning.  There is no one to go around and no lines at the check-out!!

Too Much Poo!

So, we have two inside dogs, a chihuahua, and a beagle-chihuahua mix.  The latter is not yet 2 years old.  I don't understand the deal with poop in the floor.  We talk about it, we scold when it happens, we put him out regularly, yet I get up in the morning and there it is.  Fortunately, the size usually dictates who the culprit is, so I know who to ask about it.  He always looks sorry, but not sorry enough to stop.  My daughter has an American Eskimo, and this one has fly-away hair that sheds like nobody's business, and is also a nervous pee-er.  Scold her, and you have pee in the floor, no matter what.  So, I know nothing will change this short of lining them up and shooting all of them, but it aggravates me just the same.  I go home to get rest, and it feels like I am the zookeeper!

Is the old, new again?

While flipping through a catalog, I noticed several thing for sale. One was a telephone handset - the kind that we had when I was a kid that had a curly cord on it - made so you could attach it to your cell phone and use that big clubby handset to talk into.  The other was a telephone with great big number buttons.  I'm thinking, we have spent countless years making every thing smaller and more efficient, and now people are selling the old stuff?  What's the deal? 
On that same subject, do you realize we have, in the last 50 years, made everything we use more efficient, all in the name of saving time.  We microwave to save cooking time. We use computers to shop, to save time.  We use cell phones and computers to transfer documents and photos, to save time. We have apps that schedule our appointments and days events, so we may be more organized and save time.  Yet, I know that today I have less time than I have ever had.  I feel like I run from the time I get up until I go to bed.  Where has all this saved up time gone?

Deer Season Widow

Ok, it's deer season. I'm happy for everyone who hunts. But this same person who can hardly get out of bed to go to work, is miraculously awakened at 3:00 a.m., bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to seize the opportunity to get a deer. I know it's exciting, and I have been similarly excited on a few occasions - Christmas as a small child, the day before my wedding, starting a new job, etc. Not once have I felt that way about walking 5 miles in the woods, in the dark, being cold, and knowing I would be sitting there for hours with nothing to eat and no bathroom. I guess I just don't get it. If only I could evoke that same excitement about painting the house or mowing the yard...
And worse than all that is each "play-by-play" I will hear at the end of each hunting day. The spot, the view, the wind, the deer that got close, but not close enough. Yet when I come home to tell some story about my day, leaving out all the intricate details, I am pretty sure he only heard every fifth word, and that is forgotten the instant I stop speaking.

Please Don't Tell Me Your Life Story

We have a business where we deal with the public.  When I go to a business with a question, or needing a price for something, I go in, tell them what I'm looking for, and ask the price.  People come to our business and it takes 20 minutes for them to tell how they happened to come to need our services and where they were going when it happened, and what time it happened, and I always want to say - I don't want to know that.  People tell us about their surgeries, divorces, deaths, sicknesses, cheating spouses, etc.  All to lead up to asking for a price.  Why?  I will never know.  They tell us things that I wouldn't tell my close friends.  The best are the ones who come in the door coughing and then tell of their recent doctor visit and how they have strep or some other contagious thing.  I sometimes wish I had one of those thick glasses like the county courthouse has with just a little slot for them to slide their payment through! 
And better than that is when someone comes into our small waiting room, uses the bathroom for NUMBER 2, and then another customer enters a few minutes later.  The look on their face is priceless.  They all look the same!  They want to wrinkle their nose or cover their face, but they are trying to act like they don't notice the smell!  Aren't people funny?

I hate going to the store

Why is it that I can't ever stay in my original check out lane at the grocery store? There I am, waiting in line when my eyes begin to wander to the next lane over. There are only two people in that lane, and they don't have very full carts. I know I should just stay put, and I try to resist, but I can't. So I switch lanes. In all my years, this has never been a good decision, yet I keep doing it! Turns out the first person in front of me claims she gave the cashier a $100, but the cashier says it was a $20. While they work that it, the original lane I was in had  checked out all the people I was behind, plus a couple more. Then the next couple I am behind act like they are on meth, and take a long time, and they are loud and obnoxious. If I had stayed in the first lane, I would have been done 10 minutes sooner! When will I learn?!!

Mouse on the loose!

So I am sitting in the living room this morning putting on my makeup, when something catches my eye.  It's a mouse!  Running along the wall opposite where I am sitting.  My stupid dog, who is sitting beside me is oblivious.  So I say, "There's a mouse!  Get it!  Look!  A Mouse!!"  He jumps down, and I think he is going to earn his keep.  Instead, he runs to the back door and barks, then runs to the front door and barks, all the while this mouse is just meandering along without a care in the world.  I race to get a trap and smear some peanut butter on it and set it where the mouse should travel.  Then the dog notices the trap.  So now I am trying to quietly yell at the dog to get away from the trap and let the mouse find it.  Of course, the mouse goes the other way. Finally, I have to leave for work, so I put the trap where the dog can't get it, and leave a huge note for my husband to check it before he leaves, right in front of the coffee pot, where I KNOW he goes every day.  I get to work and he has no idea what I'm talking about.  Today, he did not get coffee.  Is this a sign to how my Monday is going to go??? When I get home tonight I figure I will either have a mouse or a dog in the trap - 50-50 odds on either one.