Conversations with a Narcissist

     Dealing with a narcissist can be enough to send a sane person over the edge.  I had heard that term used many times in my life, but until I actually interacted with one I had no idea of the destruction they leave in their wake.  Narcissists are a special breed of people, unlike most people we come into contact with throughout our lives.  They are liars.  Liars about big things, and also about small, insignificant things.  They are liars because they don't exist in the real world.  They only exist in their illusion.  And when it's their illusion, it can be anything they wish - sort of like when you have a weird dream and things that make no sense are perfectly logical in the dream. Narcissists would rather climb a ladder to tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth.
     Their lies become their reality.  They believe their own lies so strongly that they could pass a lie detector test.  And they spout them with such authority that it makes sane people doubt what they know actually happened.
     True narcissists are so superficial, that people who have not been personally involved with them many times think the normal person is crazy.  After all, they are accusing this "syrupy" sweet person of nasty, vile things.  If one can merely wait long enough, the narcissist will show their true colors and all will know, but sometimes that waiting takes a long time.
     Narcissists do not have the ability to love another human being.  Their love of themselves is so great, there is simply no room for anyone else.  They have the desire for supreme control, by any means necessary.  They do not possess logic.  When explaining something logical to the narcissist, they can't process it unless the end result is what they wanted.
     Narcissists believe they deserve the best.  The best of everything.  They don't believe this because they have worked hard, or because they are deserving.  They believe it because they are, in their minds, entitled.  If you don't believe them, just ask.  They will gladly tell you how wonderful and special they are.

Example of a general conversation involving a couple of people and a narcissist:
Person 1:  That sure is a nice neighborhood over there.
Person 2:  Yes, I know.  There are a lot of fancy houses being built.  Those people must make a lot of money.
Narcissist:  "Oh, yes.  My sister has a house over there."
Person 1: "Really?  Which one?"
Narcissist:  "Well it's not finished yet, they are still in the process."
Person 2:  "Oh, so which one is theirs?"
Narcissist:  "I'm not sure.  My family doesn't really talk to her that much, so I don't know which one it is."
Truth:  Sister does not have a house over there, nor is even contemplating building a house there.  
The narcissist can't resist.  They can't simply join the conversation and say, "Yes, those are some pretty nice houses."  They have to invent something to make you think they are a part of what you have described as "impressive".  The stupid thing here is that it's not like you live in another town and will never find out - it will be known to everyone that it was a big fat lie.

Example of a conversation involving a narcissist and their "significant other":
Narcissist:  "I just can't trust you anymore."
Person 1: "Why not?  What have I done that makes you think you can't trust me?"
Narcissist:  "You know what you've done."
Person 1:  "No, I don't know.  Tell me what has happened that you don't trust me?"
Narcissist:  "I am not going to play your little games."
Person 1:  "What games?  I just want an answer."
Narcissist:  "I have been through this with you before."
Person 1:  "Been through what?  What are you talking about?  What have I done to make you not trust me?"
Narcissist: "I am not telling you again."
Person 1 now begins to doubt reality because the narcissist spouts their nonsense with such authority.
Finally, the subject is dropped with no answer because the sane person knows there IS no answer.
TRUTH:  Sane person has done nothing to make the narcissist not trust them, but this is their way of creating chaos, stirring the pot of dissension, and maintaining control of the relationship.

Example of a conversation involving a narcissist and a casual acquaintance:
Narcissist: "He has always been mean to me."
Person 1: "Really?  I had no idea."
Narcissist:  "Oh, yes.  It has been most awful. I have thought about calling the police several times, but was trying to be the bigger person."
Person 1:  "Gee, that's too bad.  It must be hard."
Narcissist: "Yes, I try to hide all the bruises, but sometimes it is difficult.  Some day, I will work up the courage to leave."
TRUTH:  The narcissist is in fact the one who is violent during arguments, and the instigator of both the argument and the violence.

Example of argument between the narcissist and their significant other:
Narcissist:  "I think we should do this."
Person 1:  "I don't think we should do this.  It doesn't seem like a very good idea to me."
Narc: "I want to do it.  That's why.  It makes perfect sense."
Person 1:  "It is not a good idea. The reasons it is not a good idea are A, B, and C."
Narc:  "That's not reasons.  It is a good idea and we are going to do it."
Person 1:  "Don't you see, it's a bad idea.  If you do this, X, Y, and Z are going to happen and it will end in disaster.  You can't do it."
Narc:  "Oh, that is just like you.  Every time I want something you shoot me down.  If you really loved me and cared about me, you would support me here.  Obviously you care nothing about me."
Person 1: "Loving you has nothing to do with it.  It is not logical.  Doing this will cause this and that to happen.  Don't you understand that?"
Narc; "That's it!  I have had it with you and your threats!" (Narc throws nearest object at person 1)
This ends with shouting, cursing and more objects being thrown, until person 1 finally concedes, because they can see there is no end in sight unless their answer is "Yes, dear."

Conversation confronting Narcissist about a lie:
Person 1: "Why did you say Jane Doe told you XYZ?"
Narc:  Because that's exactly what she said to me.
Parson 1:  "No, it's not what she said.  What she said was ABC."
Narc:  "You're wrong!  She said XYZ!"
Person 1:  "Well, let me just call her and put her on speaker phone and we will get to the bottom of this and see who said what."   (dialing phone and waiting for Jane Doe to answer)
Narc:  "You are crazy!  I am leaving!  I don't have to stay here and be subjected to this crap!"  (Narcissist storms out before any determination can be made.)
Narcissists always make the bigger scene and redirect the attention back to themselves, in a sense bullying everyone else from investigating to find the truth.

     The biggest gripe about narcissists is that they manage to lie, cheat and steal their way through life, while normal people are always the ones to overlook their behavior. Normal people don't want to make a scene and don't usually call the narcissist out on their lies and behavior.  Normal people take up the slack when the narcissist makes a scene and storms out, because that's just what most people do.  Normal people whisper to one another about the narcissist, but few are brave enough to endure the over-reaction that will occur if they confront the narcissist.  Most people are too polite to snarl back at the narcissist, and remain silent while the narcissist spouts lies and deceptions at will.  They are nothing but bullies, with no personality or character without their illusion of lies.
     You may not know whereof I speak, but if the time comes that you encounter a true narcissist, you will know.  Rest assured, you will know.

Family Law Not So Good for Families

     Family Law. Sounds pretty compassionate, doesn't it?  Externally, it would seem so.  But until you have endured this system, you have no idea. 

     The courts have managed to take something personal and natural, like a father's love for his child, and twist it and turn it until it is barely recognizable, and resembles money more than it resembles love.

     I am not a lawyer, and I did not go to college for 8 years.  But I am not stupid, either.  Don't patronize me and my family and treat us like we are incapable of making a sound decision. 

     As many of you know, my son recently went through a divorce.  It was not nice in any way, shape or form.  Included in that divorce was custody determination.  Some people may be aware that there is legislation in place now, and more coming down the road that is actually in favor of fathers' rights.  Laws that allow the father to be an active, continual presence in their children's lives.  Laws that are trying to make things more equal between fathers and mothers.  Laws that make it illegal to automatically assume it's best for the children to be with their mother, just because she is a female. Laws that aren't endorsed by many judges yet. 

     HB1550Here is summation of HB1550 is one such law.  It basically is the "foot in the door" for more legislation to come.  It sets parameters for judges on ruling about custody.  This bill encourages judges to begin at 50/50 custody and 50/50 possession of the children and work backwards based on evidence.  Is the father a drug addict?  Then maybe he doesn't get 50/50.  Is the  mother an alcoholic?  Maybe she doesn't get primary custody.  It assumes that two fit parents both deserve equal time with the children.  It assumes that each and every child, regardless of why their parents divorced, deserves to be loved and be able to love each parent equally.  Unless there are reasons that would cause harm to the child while in the care of one parent, it should be equal.  Period.

     A benchmark appeal over this new law is Morgan v. Morgan, in the Eastern District Court of Appeals.  This is the most notable case where a judge applied and enforced this legislation.  Mother had primary custody, with father only getting every other weekend visits, even though father wanted and was fit to have more time with the child. Father had to pay child support. Mother continually broke the communication lines - didn't answer texts and calls from father, didn't inform father when child was ill, or would need to miss school or had doctor appointments.  Mother moved often, sometimes without telling father.  The judge in this case ended up reversing the situation, citing it was in the best interest of the child.  Father got primary custody, and mother had to pay child support, with only every other weekend visits.  Father was, in fact, more stable than mother. 

     This is not to say that there aren't deadbeat dads who never see the kids and don't pay their child support.  Those fathers need to take responsibility for their children.  But there are mothers who are just as irresponsible as those deadbeat dads, yet they have custody of the kids.  There are mothers who are using the kids as weapons and bargaining tools and doing irreparable damage to the children.   There are mothers who aren't drug addicts, and aren't burning the kids with cigarettes, but are simply indifferent with their children, leaving the child to wonder why Mommy doesn't care enough to ask about their day or give them a hug once in a while.  All these things taking place while an able and fit father would give all he had to hug his child each night before bed, or pick them up from school and ask how their day was.  But because she is female and he is male, she wins.  She gets the big prize.  She gets the kids, and she gets money.  Money that most times is not spent on the kids, but on her.  Too bad for father.  he must work and live in squalor to support himself and pay child support.  Mother doesn't even have to work if she doesn't want to - the child support form itself makes concessions if mama doesn't want to do anything but sit on her butt.  She gets the kids and gets rewarded for doing nothing.  And she can qualify for government assistance, too!

     Who cares?  I care!  I care and my son cares!  I can't tell you how awful it feels to sit in a courtroom for hours, while lawyers and judges whisper about who knows what, all the while charging you out the wazoo for 15 minutes of paperwork.  I guess we have watched too many television shows where you hire a lawyer and they rant and rave in the courtroom, fighting for their client.  Not in family court.  In family court, father's attorney files a paper, and then mother's attorney files a paper.  Then you wait a few weeks and file some more papers.  A few weeks, more papers.  More money and more papers.  All of which have no meaning for anyone, especially not the children.  After all the turmoil our entire family has been through, and thousands of dollars spent, my son ended up with every other weekend.  Bam!  If the attorney would have just said, "You're probably going to end up with every other weekend, no matter what you do." We would have maybe done something different, I don't know.  But we invested all this time and money thinking we would have a different outcome.  We kept track of every last thing, good or bad that happened during the divorce and custody issues.  We made notes and saved receipts and lots of other stuff, mostly for nothing.  Nothing mattered.  Neglect by mother didn't matter.  Love by father didn't matter.  Money didn't matter.  What was best for the child didn't matter.  HB1550 didn't matter.  Nothing, just nothing mattered.

     Family court is a joke.  Family court is not at all interested in what is best for the child, otherwise, they would examine each case and make some kind of determination individually.  Right now, they wait patiently while attorneys file this paper and that paper, and wait it out until everyone's made enough money, and then they let the lawyers make some dumb recommendation, which is that Mother has custody and Father gets to visit every other weekend.  There comes a time when there is just no more money.  No more money left to spend on an unfair fight.  Another $20,000 wouldn't have produced a different outcome. 

     As my son sat there after conceding to the standard "every-other-weekend" visitation, I watched with anger at the system, and hurt for my son, while the judge asked if he believed this agreement was in the best interest of the child.  What a stupid question.  Of course it wasn't in the best interest of the child.  But saying "No" would mean thousands more dollars spent, and no different outcome.  He had to say "Yes."  There was no other choice. 

     He did nothing wrong.  All he wanted was to see his child and spend time with his child.  He is not a drug addict.  He is not an alcoholic.  He is not abusive.  He is a good person and a good father.  He is honest, dependable and hard-working.  He loves his child.  But family court says all that doesn't matter.  Just because he is a male, he is the biggest loser here.  Too bad, because though he suffers for this decision, the child will suffer more.  The child will wonder why things were arranged this way. So much for family life...

Just Like, and Type "Amen"

Oh, how I hate seeing these dumb memes come down Facebook.  "Just like and type 'Amen' and you will receive a large sum of money in three days".  Or, how about "Like and share if you love Jesus"?  These just really get my goat!
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to get a large sum of money, and I do love Jesus, but I am pretty sure my Facebook activity doesn't have much to do with either one.
First of all, do you personally know someone who got that large sum of money in three days?  Me neither.  And have you ever heard of anyone being struck dead because they loved Jesus, but didn't like and share a post?  Me neither.
You know, somehow our society has managed to come to the opinion that if we do "X" and "Y", God will send us "Z".  Where, exactly, does God promise to bargain with us?  No where that I can find.  I hear Joel Osteen preaching that if we do what we are supposed to do, we will be rich.  He doesn't say it in so many words, but that is the implication.  We are humanly trying to put a value on a blessing from God.  A dollar value.
Our "riches" and blessings have value, but certainly God doesn't need money to make them worthy.  We are using our finite minds to figure up something that came from an infinite God.  Think about Job.  He was a very righteous man, and had found favor with God.  He was doing it right.  He was obeying God and living where God wanted him.  And yet God allowed satan to take away all that Job thought was valuable, further proving that Job was a righteous man.  God wasn't punishing Job.  He simply allowed it.  He knew that whatever we endure on this earth, good or bad, can't compare with our eternal rewards.
While we may suffer and endure tragedy on earth, we can still have hope and know that our reward in Heaven (if we are born-again Christians) will be so much greater than anything here.  The richest man on earth will have no meaning in eternity.
This is why sometimes, even when we are right where God wants us to be, terrible things (as defined by our human, finite minds) can happen.  And by the same token, great things (also as defined by our human, finite minds) can happen to the worst of people.  People who we feel don't deserve this or that seem to have wealth and success.
I just hate that the majority of society, and some Christians, seem to think if they do this or that, in this way or that way, God will zap them some cash.  It just doesn't work that way.  We are to do right in the sight of God because it's right in the sight of God.  Our rewards will come in Heaven.  This is not to say that God doesn't bless Christians with money, either.  Just that the money, success, failure, tragedy, whatever is all temporary and will pass away.  We are much better off to concern ourselves with our eternal rewards instead.
So, don't be offended if I don't type "Amen" on your post.  And know that I do, in fact, love Jesus, though I may not like and share your post.
See you on the other side!

I'm a Woman, and It's My RIGHT!

I am a bit appalled at what I see on the news lately. Although we live in a country where we are free to say nearly anything, these women who are marching for "rights", and spouting ignorance for all to hear just really upset my apple cart. 
What were these women marching for?  Rights?  Rights to do what?  Women's Liberation has long been over and at present, we have the "right" to do just about anything we want.  So, I guess the next question is, what is it all you women want to do?  Dress like a purple vagina?  Say things like "blow up the Whitehouse"?  A small part of me is embarrassed to be the same gender as you marching women. 
I suppose I would be called "old-fashioned", but I love that fact that women are not the same as men.  Just like God intended. I am glad there is still some chivalry.  I love it when my husband opens the door for me.  It makes me feel special.  What do you women want - for a guy to come up and shove you out of the way and race you to the door to run in first?  I mean, isn't that equal? Do you really want to work the same job as a man?  While I know a few women in the manual labor sector that could keep up with a man, most could not.  Our bodies were not designed the same.  Our muscles are not the same.  We weren't meant to hurl bags of feed or bales of hay onto a big truck. 
Do these women get angry if a man sends them flowers or candy?  Do they expect an engagement ring?  It seems as though they are trying to only have the benefits of both worlds.  They want equal pay for doing a man's job, but they want the boss to leave out the really hard stuff.  They say they want to be exactly equal, but are mad when they don't get candy and roses on Valentine's Day.
Women's Liberation was a movement designed to stop women from feeling and being seen as sub-standard citizens.  I suppose they got their wish, but in fact, they were never sub-standard.  They were different.  Is a truck better than a car?  They are both vehicles, but were designed to do different things, with one filling a gap left by the other.  Women were designed with very specific purposes in mind.  Bearing children is vital to the success of our generations.  Of course, we all know if men were required to bear children, there would be like three people left on the earth.  Women were designed to produce food for their babies.  Women were designed to be emotional and nurturing.  If men were emotional, we would sure have a lot of crying going on.  It's good to be different.  To fill a different role than men.  Just like we were intended to.
Another thing I don't understand is why there are protests about Trump being president.  Don't you people live in this great country?  Maybe you haven't learned this, but we are a democracy.  That means that we all get a vote in what happens.  Sometimes your vote happens to be the way things go, and sometimes what happens isn't what you would have preferred.  That is both the great and terrible thing about living in a democracy.  If you don't care for this form of government, our country grants you the freedom to move to a different country if you so choose. 
Our country allows you the freedom to protest.  Now, most times a protest is designed to sway peoples' opinion of a certain matter, or to show your distaste for the actions or lack of actions of someone or some group, or to indicate that your rights have somehow been violated.  But to protest who got elected president isn't a protest at all. It's a fit.  A fit that further confirms the downfall of our society as a whole.  Personally, I did not care for President Obama.  But, I live in a democracy, and apparently two times, the majority of the people in this great country wanted him to be the President.  So, that's OK.  The president deserves some level of respect simply for the title he has been given.  Regardless of my opinion, and whether or not I agree with everything President Obama did, if I would have come face to face with him, I would have shown respect and addressed him as "Sir".  It's the right thing to do.
I fear we are teaching our children that they don't have to show respect to anyone, ever.  That, my friend, is a sad day.  Don't you want to know that if you put money in your bank, it will be there when you go to withdraw it?  Don't you want to know that those employees have been taught and trained to do what is good and right, even if it's not always what they want?  I sure do.
This generation is learning all the wrong things.  There is something great to be said about having empathy for others.  Something great about sometimes putting aside your wants and needs for the good of someone else. This generation is missing out on the joy of doing random acts of kindness.  Missing the joy of helping a fellow citizen just because you can.  Missing the safe feeling that comes from knowing you must obey the rules, and anyone who does not will be punished. Missing the definition of fighting for a cause that will better the lives of many. They're just missing so much.
Don't any of these protesters have jobs?  I have never participated in a protest, because I and my husband had jobs.  If we missed days of work, it was missing money in our pockets.  I feel a lot the same towards these protesters as I do career criminals.  If you had a job you worked at all day, and then went home to take care of your family, you simply wouldn't have the time to attend protests and/or commit crimes.  I guess I just don't get it.
If you want to change the world, it starts at home. At YOUR home.  Get a job.  Work. Have a family.  Love your family.  Teach your children right from wrong.  Attend church.  Let your children see you give money back to the cashier who gave you too much change.  BE the miracle in someone's life.  That will produce much more world change than wearing a purple vagina on your head and shouting in the streets.

Livin' On a Prayer

What's in a prayer? Is it just a ritualistic process?  Who can pray? 
I see lots of social media posts about prayer, and I also see people asking for prayers, with responses from a variety of people saying they are praying for them. I believe in what the Bible has to say about prayer, which makes me question some of the things I see on the internet and social media.
First, I believe only "saved" or "born again" people can pray to God.  The Bible says the only prayer God hears from unsaved people is the prayer of salvation.  And after that, prayer is our direct line to God.  No need to go through a priest, minister, etc.  We can communicate directly with God.
The Bible also teaches us how to pray, by giving examples, and it tells us that our prayers are not supposed to be so repetitive and ceremonial that they lose their meaning and no longer come from our hearts.  Our prayers are not to be said so others will think we are "religious" or pious.  Our prayers are to be said in private, directly from our hearts.  Some people think they can't pray because they aren't smart enough or eloquent enough, and that's just not true.  What God wants is our whole heart.  And, of course, He knows our needs before we ask, but He desires our companionship, which we give through prayer.
The Bible says we are to pray without ceasing.  Of course, if we spent all our time on our knees praying, our physical body would starve to death, and we couldn't work, etc.  I believe this means to be in tune with God at all times.  With an attitude of prayer at all times.  I try to spend devoted prayer time each day, but I also pray throughout the day as I encounter people or situations I want to pray for.  Again, I  believe God knows our heart and thoughts, and hears our prayers whether they be long and drawn out or short and sweet.
And probably none of us spends as much time in prayer as we should.  Sometimes, I catch myself worrying and fretting about something, trying to figure out what to do, and I realize I haven't even prayed about this.  I've been stressing myself without even asking God what I should do. Other times, my heart has been so heavy I simply couldn't pray, and sometimes my prayer has been "God, you know my heart."
Still other times, I believe in my heart of hearts, other people praying for us is what carries us through those exceptionally rough spots.  Prayer is our most powerful weapon and our most pleasant comfort in times of need. And it should also be our most desired joy in times of victory and celebration. 
I am so thankful that God has given us His word, and the Holy Spirit to dwell within us and guide us as we stumble through this life here on earth!

Meningitis and Mastoidectomy Update!

Well, it is now 3 months after I got meningitis, and 2 months post-op on the mastoidectomy with encephalocele.
As for the meningitis, I still have significant hearing loss issues.  I will get my hearing aids adjusted, but not until I have my surgery on the other ear.  This hearing loss is worsened by the fact that the internal packing from the mastoidectomy has not dissolved and the only thing I am hearing on that side is my voice inside my head.  Hardly anything external. 
I tire easily.  It frustrates me so!  Before I was sick, I was usually up by 5:00, laundry and cleaning done and at work by 7-7:30.  And some days I did my grocery shopping at 6:30 in the morning before work.  Worked all day, got home by 5:30, made supper, cleaned, etc. and did it all again the next day.  Now, I am pooped by mid-afternoon, and I am not really doing hard physical work like I was before.  So, the whole time I am sitting down taking a break, I feel like a slug for sitting down taking a break. Anyway, this is mostly a personal, psychological issue I am having to come to terms with.  I am not a good sitter-arounder. 
Sometimes, I feel weird.  (My family would be chiding "You ARE weird!" to that statement)  I can't really put my finger on what feels different, just weird.  Just not quite right.  And I have trouble remembering (worse than before) why I went into a room.  Or what I needed to grab at the store.  Adding in my head used to be split-second.  Now I have to think about it. Just some little things that no one but me notices, but drives me crazy!
As for the ear surgery, I have had 2 post-op visits where they removed all packing that could be seen on the outside of my eardrum.  All that's left is internal packing which they assure me will dissolve.  I hope they speak the truth!  I thought I would be hearing great by now, but they say it could take another 4-6 weeks.  I do a lot of smiling and nodding because I can't hear what people are saying.  Most times, I can hear the noise, just can't make out what they are saying.  One guy asked my husband if I was "OK".  He informed him I couldn't hear and didn't want to say that, so apparently he had asked me something and I just looked pleasant and smiled at him.  You can hear our television from the driveway.  Sorry.  I wear one hearing aid in my "good" ear, but when I am in a place with background noise, it is all so loud I can't make out anything, so I sort of "check out" and hope no one is speaking to me. 
There isn't any pain from the surgery.  I do have some itching in some place that can't be reached and it makes me crazy from time to time.  My hair is growing back where they shaved behind my ear. And it is nice to be able to just get into the shower without having to water-proof my ear first. 
At my last ENT appointment, the doctor said he had myself and another patient with the issues I have, and that it was so rare there wasn't actually much in any text book to learn about.  I am either an anomaly or a freak - you can draw your own opinion!   I guess it's good he knows what he's doing! 
As I reflect on where I was three months ago, and that fact that I am "nearly" back to normal, it is a total miracle.  Not luck, but a direct result of God not being finished with me yet. I am truly grateful for the opportunity, and hope that somehow I can show my gratitude and show God's love through my life.

Mastoidectomy Surgery

Well, I had my first surgery Nov. 12.  If went off without a hitch!  I was extremely apprehensive because of the possible side effects - seizures or stroke.  Fortunately, it all went smoothly.  I will attach pictures at the bottom of this blog - if you are squeamish, don't look!!
So, part of my mastoid bone was gone - either from repeated ear infections as a child, or possibly from birth.  And because of the missing section of bone, my brain was sitting on the three bones in your ear canal that are supposed to vibrate when you hear sound.  I have had significant hearing loss for some time and tried to explain to different doctors how things sounded.  My voice is extremely loud inside my head.  Chewing is extremely loud.  When I eat or talk, the only thing I can hear is me.  It drowns out all external sound because it's so loud.  Of course no one offered any reason for this and most looked at me like I had hit my head.  So, I got hearing aids.  They did nothing for the issue at hand, but they did amplify the external sound enough that I could hear above my own voice slightly.
So, I got meningitis and because of that, I had a CAT scan, which showed the issue with the missing bones in my ears.  So, that is why they think I got meningitis and said it required a reconstruction of the mastoid bone and a lifting of my brain to get it back to where it belonged. 
It was about a 3 hour surgery, and they actually ended up cutting off a portion of my brain and cauterizing it, which caused it to "retreat" upward and allowed room for reconstruction of the missing bone without "lifting" the brain.  That's all good news, I am told.  Apparently everyone else of the face of the planet had surgery that day, too, because it was after 10:00 p.m. before I got to a room.  There really wasn't any pain, so to speak.  The incision was around the back of my ear - they basically folded it over onto my face and then sewed it back where it belonged. 
The worst part was the recovery time.  2 weeks of not bending over and not lifting.  Do you know how many times you bend over in a day?  Or how many times you grab something up without even thinking?  And the fact that I didn't really "feel" that bad almost made it worse.  I felt like getting out and doing things, but I couldn't.  So, I abided by the rules.  Oh, and I couldn't cough or sneeze for 2 weeks, as well.  So, at my post-op check up, they said everything looked great, and I could bend over and begin easing back into life.  I go for my final check up end of December.  Then they will schedule the other ear.
And, apparently there is some scarring from when I was intubated with the meningitis, and I have told different doctors what it feels like in my throat, and they don't seem to concerned.  But to me it feels like if I cough really hard, something will come up into my throat and cut off my airway.  So, I am still trying not to cough or sneeze.  I googled and the only thing I found that is close to what it feels like is called a "granuloma" on the larynx. I found pictures and it took months for the case I saw to heal.  I am hoping mine doesn't take that long!
OK, here are pictures:

 OK, the gross ones are of the actual surgery.  My brain is hanging out, but I couldn't tell you where.
Below is a picture of the incision right after surgery, and then 2 weeks post-op.